At its most basic level flirting is a way to meet potential partners, and see if they’re compatible with you. There are many circumstances, for example a wedding or party, where flirting is the only way to create a romantic liaison with someone you don’t know and might not otherwise ever see again. Consequently flirting is a very important life skill, and a skill that makes most people nervous. There is an art of flirting, though, and it’s an art that can be learned. Let’s try a few pointers.
The Path To Success
1. Lower your expectations. Flirting is fun, but only if you don’t take it too seriously. A lot of the time, you’ll just flirt with someone for a brief time and then possibly never talk to them again. If you always go in to flirting expecting to date or even marry the person you’re flirting with, you’re going to be very disappointed–and you’ll probably seem a little desperate. Do not forget, you’re just flirting.
2. Look approachable. Stay calm and smile. Use your body language to demonstrate what a fun person you are, and to show that you’re relaxed and confident. There’s no need to be nervous.
3. Read body language. Does the person appear approachable? Do they appear interested in you? From the instant you see someone who you think you might want to flirt with, begin to read their body language. Once you’re actually flirting with the person, body language is often the only way to tell if the person is actually interested in you . Everyone has an inborn ability to read body language, but it’s easy to misinterpret signs, so be very cautious and proceed slowly. If there is any indication that the person is interested in you, keep a look out for any signals that confirm that.
4. Make eye contact, but only for a brief moment. Don’t Stare. Gaze briefly at the person, smile with your eyes, and then look away slowly. When you look back and notice the person looking back to meet your eyes, then they’re likely interested in flirting a bit.
5. Initiate a conversation with the person you’re interested in. When you don’t know them just indulge in small talk. Perhaps the best way to initiate a conversation is to start with a simple observation which ends with a question: “Beautiful day, isn’t it?” or ” It sure is packed here?” are just two examples. What you say isn’t important. You don’t really need an answer to the question; you are simply inviting the person to talk with you. If the person’s response is pleasant, then continue the conversation. If you struggle to extract a response or if the person appears preoccupied or disinterested, then they’re most likely not interested in flirting with you. Avoid reference to anything personal at the start of your chat. Talk about the environment around you, the show you just saw, etc., but resist the temptation to talk about yourself and don’t ask them personal questions.
6. Slowly share information about each other. If this small talk goes well, proceed to share a little information about yourself–just something small like what you do for a living or how you liked the show you just saw, for example. There will be a point, however, when you will want to introduce yourself and, with a bit of luck, discover the other person’s name. Before you can share information it is crucial that you both gradually open up. Take it in turns to talk, and everytime the other person volunteers some personal information, reciprocate and maybe go a little further than the other person in terms of the amount of information you give. As an example, say you’re talking to a girl who tells you that she’s taking summer classes, you might want to share that you’re also taking summer classes, and then go on to tell her about the class which excites you most. She now has an opportunity to disclose more about herself. In this way, the intimacy of the conversation increases in time. You definitely don’t want to share too much about yourself too quickly, and you shouldn’t encourage the other person to do so either.
7. Focus your complete attention on the person. Laugh at their jokes, listen to their stories, and don’t get distracted by anything else going on around you. It’s less important that you seem interesting than you seem interested, and definitely don’t hog the conversation. Being a good listener is far more important to successful flirting than being witty.
8. Use body language to hint at your romantic intentions. If things are going really well, you might want to try to break the touch barrier. As you speak, touch their arm gently and briefly. Alternatively you could be more assertive and hold the person’s hand when you cross the road, or if walking to a seat or a table, lead them by gently holding their arm. Touching in this manner helps break a “personal space” barrier. Some people have issues about “personal space”, so look out for warning signs as you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable. In general, women can get away with touching much earlier in a conversation than men can. Women dont usually react well when a man they hardly know enters their personal space, however men are usually more open to being touched. No matter what, go forward with caution, and retreat if you receive negative or mixed signs from the person.
9. Seal the deal. Flirting is usually just harmless fun, which comes to nothing. Once in a while, you’ll encounter someone you’d really like to see again, and who seems to want to see you again too. Flirting is, after all, a type of courting ritual, a way to meet potential boyfriends or girlfriends, maybe even your future spouse. Don’t get carried away, it’s not time to make wedding plans just yet, simply start by getting their phone number. For most people, this is the hard part, because you have to actually make your intentions known, and in doing so you risk rejection. Be courageous. Tell the person you’d like to see him or her again, and just ask for their phone number or, if it feels right, try to set up a date for some future time. If the person isn’t interested, don’t sweat it. There’s plenty of fish in the sea and there will always be another guy or girl to flirt with.
The article provides advice for women on how to flirt with men but also has many tips which can be helpful for men flirting with women.
Take This Advice
* What you say is not over important (provided it’s not totally stupid), but it is vital that you keep your conversation positive. Don’t be negative, arrogant, or pushy; just be friendly.
* When you first start talking with someone, don’t aim to flirt. Simply aim to have a conversation. This takes a lot of pressure off both of you.
* Do not chase anyone if they do not reciprocate. Walk away if the person doesn’t appear interested. Don’t assume that they’re just “playing hard to get” and get too pushy as they may react badly.
* Compliments can go a very long way. It’s a great idea to compliment the person during your conversation, but don’t try to pass off a compliment that you don’t really mean, and be careful about compliments that might be embarrassing or offensive (compliments about a woman’s figure, for example).
* If you’re uneasy about asking for their number, try and give them your number. If they are truly interested in you they will give you a call. Why not give them your email address, allowing the conversation to continue without any pressure.
Be Warned, There Are Pitfalls!
* Do not flirt with someone who you are sure that you’re not romantically interested in, period. Otherwise, you risk accidentally leading them on, which can lead to an embarrassing moment and uncomfortable interactions afterwards. But never forget that you’re not getting married, yet. Flirting is like compliments, in that it should have a kind of sincerity attached to it. Flirt with people who seem different than you or who you do not know much about, and they could surprise you.
* Use flirting that is in keeping with the surroundings. Meeting at a library or loud dance hall, for example, might not be conducive to talking too much. In this case, smile, act interested, and wait for a spontaneous opportunity to meet at the punch bowl or in the lobby. Do not however, appear to be a stalker or you will scare them away.
* Flirting is not always appropriate. Take my word for it that funerals are not a great place to flirt. Flirting at work is generally a no-no. Be very careful if you try to flirt at work, and be prepared to back-off if the other person is not interested.
* Though humor is often a good way to flirt with people, try not to make any jokes that might make your flirting recipient uncomfortable. When flirting with someone dirty jokes often spring to mind, but they are out of place in a conversation, and can either result in the other person being turned off, or in one of those awkward silences which kill the mood, and only embarrass you. Take time to think before you speak, and don’t forget, you don’t always have to be funny.
Mail this post
Technorati Tags: body language, flirting, flirting advice, flirting tips, how to flirt, how to flirt guide, reading body language
artnetwork | 
10 31st, 2009| 
